Contact Us for a Free Case Evaluation (732) 751-4991

Villani & DeLuca Divorce Blogs

Brick Township Divorce Mediator- Are You Suffering From Divorce Drama Dependency?

Posted by Unknown | May 05, 2020 | 0 Comments

Have you ever referred to someone as a “drama queen?”  Perhaps you've even been accused of it yourself, at a time when you went a little too overboard with your words or actions.  While the term is often used in jest, the concept of being addicted to highly unstable or volatile emotional states is a very real phenomenon.  For many adults, such emotional states result from toxic relationships, which typically involve one or more forms of abuse, often from both parties.  Hopefully, these relationships fizzle out in due time, but entirely too many of them advance to marriage, and more often than not, end in divorce.

This love of drama almost always carries over into the divorce proceedings, even when both parties acknowledge that it's completely unproductive.  This type of dependency typically results in one or both parties engaging in verbal, and perhaps physical altercations that drag out the divorce proceedings for months or years on end.  They are likely to drag their feet on the simplest of issues, while manipulating the system and bad-mouthing the other party to anyone who will listen.  And yet, when confronted with the question of why not just finish the divorce already, they will either change the subject or declare how the other person is their true love, in spite of the unending insanity.

This all sounds incredibly negative, which is why it's difficult to admit that you're addicted to the drama.  Of course, not all levels of divorce drama dependency are quite so extreme.  You may be the quiet, passive-aggressive type who politely agrees to think about your spouse's offer, than procrastinate on making a decision for the next few weeks.  Maybe you didn't mean to frustrate your spouse by taking so long, but maybe, even on a subconscious level, there is a part of you that needs to create such drama.  This is often the case for passive spouses in abusive marriages, who have come to depend on the abuse as their version of “normal”.  Even if they file for divorce and receive excellent advice from various divorce professionals, knowing what to do isn't the same as being able to do it. 

Breaking free from the addiction to emotional distress is a challenging process, possibly involving counseling from a licensed psychologist.  The most important thing to realize is that drama dependency is much more common than you think, and that it's something to manage on a day-to-day basis, just like alcohol or drug dependency.  It may also involve significant lifestyle changes, perhaps exploring your dependency on other unhealthy habits, or ties to other toxic people and situations. Under such circumstances, your divorce may not be as easy as a few private mediation sessions, but the experienced attorney of Villani & DeLuca, P.C. have the knowledge and experience to help you reach a fair resolution as soon as possible.  They will be happy to assist you all your divorce-related questions and concerns during a free initial consultation.

About the Author


There are no comments for this post. Be the first and Add your Comment below.

Leave a Comment

Vincent DeLuca, Esq.

As a founding partner at Villani & DeLuca, Vincent DeLuca is one of only a few Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney in Ocean County, New Jersey. Mr. DeLuca has helped many clients navigate the delicate details of their own divorce. Mr. DeLuca is also a trained divorce mediator and collaborative divorce attorney. Call today at (732) 751-4991 to speak to Mr. DeLuca or one of our experienced NJ Divorce Lawyers.